transition?

Salam wbt..

After nearly one year came back to my beloved country, i sometimes loss the spirit and find it's hard for me to sustain the izzah and the himmah.

Sometimes i think that, UK is too ideal for my dakwah. As mesia is the real challenge that i have to really work hard and struggle to even grasp the air of it, just for the air, not indulge into it. Astaghfirullah..

I sometimes think that it is hard to mingle with human around me. To please them, or at least make myself be accompanied with someone. I dont want to be alone. I realise that as we tried and tried to please others but not the One, we will someday lose them and they will slowly walk away from us. The same as we tried to catch the world not the akhirat.

it is easy to write this down. i want to fix the things up. One of the biggest problem for now is the laziness. I am happy and so highly spirit when i do my office work but when i think about my deen, the laziness plays the role. As consequence, i left my quran and my hadith behind. Did not even look and understand them.

Every thing happen because of this little not so tiny thing which is the heart. When your heart fill in with bad things, it will become much darker and darker, up until one point, the light could not goes in and you just feel ease with it. Not feeling guilty, not feeling anything and (may Allah lead me far from this) and you enjoy doing the bad. You not even realise that it is sinful. You did not even bother to check with your guidelines whether it is permissible or not.

Astaghfirullah.. Please Allah make me strong with my own stand and really strong with it. Storm or turbulence will not stop me from continued to stand still and to be me.. not tried to pretend just for the sake of others.